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108. Diabetes Scare, Gratitude and Changes

A few weeks ago my doctor called me to discuss my recent blood work. I sensed it was what I had feared…my blood glucose numbers were still heading in the wrong direction…and without SERIOUS change, a diagnosis would be in my near future.

Despite my stomach sinking and some tears slipping down my cheeks, I also felt relieved. This is something I can see on paper. I can not chalk up my current weight of 244 as “no big deal” or something that I’m embracing or learning to accept. I have a medical directive to lose weight. These extra pounds cause strain on my body and the food choices which brought me to this weight have thrown my body for a loop.

So, I’m grateful for the pamphlets, the nutritionist, the doctors, the referrals…all of which have “Impaired Fasting Glucose” and “Obese” stamped all over in cold hard print. It’s hard to see the words. It’s not where I thought I would be at this point in my journey…but I watch my father persevere with his diet changes to battle diabetes and I know that I, too, can get a handle on my love affair with carbohydrates.

Yes, complex carbohydrates and ripe, juicy fruit are healthy and nutrient-rich. But only so many slices of sprouted grain toast are necessary. And sure, sliced avocado sprinkled with a pinch of pepper and dash of hot sauce make for a delicious and nutritious snack upon toasted pita bread and greens…but again it’s about moderation. All of these months of vigorous and consistent exercise have paid off and I am feeling so much stronger. But my portions – albeit often healthy food – are too large. I am gobbling up every calorie worked off in my exercise…and then some. (Here I am today after Nicole’s awesome fitcamp with the girls and the dog)

The numbers game goes like this – the docs and dieticians say I need 160 carbs per day. I must count them as I look down the line at my 40th birthday. It twinkles 30 weeks from now. And I am hoping, for the first time, to post some reduced numbers in the blood draw vs. the scale. Sure, the scale numbers must be lower to be healthier, but I want to strike under 100 on my glucose test. I’ve got some work to do. There are fit camps to attend, jogs to take with my husband, walks to take with our new dog.

My chin is up, the tears are wiped away and I’m ready to accept that the journey needs to incorporate weightloss, carb-counting, blood testing at each meal and loads of smiles during my workouts. There should never be a meal again with multiple slices of bread and mounds of fruit and piles of pasta…those beautiful little carbs need to come in small packages spread out along the day…gone are whole bananas, gone are giant 8′ baguette sandwiches…and here are the 1/2 sandwiches, the 1/3 banana in the smoothie and tons of lean protein and vegetables. It’s not always fun; it’s not always easy and I’m not going to be “perfect.” But it’s my new reality. If I can easily eat this way when I have gestational diabetes (with both pregnancies), than I can certainly do it for myself.